Sunday, March 31, 2013

Lean In ignites Mommy Wars

Some mommies are back in their bunkers again ready to rage war.  Sheryl Sandberg, the #2 Facebook executive, has been promoting her "leaning in" philosophy with her book published last month and some women are not pleased with the message.  Lean In is stirring up buzz similar to the buzz the book Tiger Mom did two years ago. Tiger Mom advocated for higher expectations and stricter boundaries in parenting. The Facebook #2 believes women are in part responsible for feminism's stall. The current Time magazine cover has a picture of Sandberg with the words "Don't Hate Her Because She's Successful." Even Maureen Dowd, New York Times' liberal, Newt-Gindgrich-hating, op-ed columnist, took her shots calling Sandberg a "Pom Pom Feminist in Prada Boots."  Ouch!

Tiger Mom was instantly disliked by many women.  Media portrayed its author as a tyrant who locked her daughter out on the cold porch for a few minutes because she refused to practice piano.  Both daughters of the Yale Law professor Tiger Mom are extremely accomplished young women who seem to be thriving without the need for therapy, so far at least.  Harvard MBA billionaire mom Sheryl Sandberg will never have financial problems but her children may struggle with entitlement issues in the future.  Do these women who generate such controversy really have anything valuable to say?   I would argue they do indeed, but then I like a little controversy that gets people upset enough to think about the status quo.   

Let's be honest, the vision Betty and Gloria had for women back in the seventies has yet to materialize: men still run the world.  Sandberg believes women themselves must re-boot feminism to get things going again.  Women over the past generation in our country certainly have more choices and women  have outnumbered men in college graduation rates for the past three decades.  This fact has not translated to women weiding equal amount of power in business and politics.  Women currently head 4% of Fortune 500 companies and run 17 out of the 195 countries in the world.  


Facebook grew from 70 million users in 2008 to a billion users today on the watch of Sheryl Sandberg, this driven mother of two.  Company revenues increased from 150 million to 1.5 billion in the same period.  Facebook stock is beginning to show growth after a poor start a year ago. In her book, Sandberg cites studies that companies with women on their boards are more successful than those with men only.  It is also true that American corporations structure their employee days around the idea that someone else is handling the home front responsibilities. Granted, Sandberg the billionaire leads a charmed life, but her observations about women and the workplace I believe are astute.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Oz The Great and Powerful

The first movie I remember loving and being scared by as a child was The Wizard of Oz starring Judy Garland.  Back in the 50's on Easter Sunday night one of the big networks would run The Wizard of Oz.  Our family tradition of watching this movie began when I was three or four.  We ate our Easter dinner at my grandparents house and then all us would crowd into the living room to watch the movie together.  It is one of my favorite memories.  My grandparents had a color television, we did not, so when Dorothy went from the black and white Kansas to the in-color Land of Oz it was truly magical.

I remember being terrified of the wicked witch, covering my eyes when she came on screen.  As the years went by I learned to deal with my fear of the Wicked Witch of the West, knowing she always got her just deserts in the end.   One of my college courses in the School of Education at the U of M required us to read a book by Austrian born child psychologist, Bruno Bettleheim, called The Uses of Enchantment.  Bettelheim believed that scary stories, like the ones compiled by the Grimm brothers, helped children grapple with fears in remote symbolic terms thus promoting emotional growth that prepared them for their future.

I remember loving being scared when my father read me the Tales from Grimm and my years teaching taught me most kids like being a little scared by stories and movies.  One year I read my first graders a series of scary mystery stories. A fluent reader in the class brought in the first book of the series telling me the class would love this scary book.  I decided to give it a try and the students did indeed love the the book.  They begged each day for me to read them a chapter and we eventually read several books from the series.   ( I can't for the life of me remember the titles or author of these books. They were sort of the Captain Underpants series of their day.)  There was one little girl however who found the stories too scary and she would sit and play or read by herself in the back of the classroom as I read aloud. The stories would often end on a comical note sending the kids into peals of laughter and the little girl eventually joined the group to listen to the books seeming as if she was proud that she had overcome her fear.

A few years back Harry and I went to see one of the Lord of the Rings movies and across the aisle from us was a six or seven year old with his parents.  The child spent most of the movie with his hands over his eyes.  My ex-husband and I took Alexis to see ET when she was three.  I remember she was transfixed by the movie but on the way out of the theatre she began to sob.  My daughter has no memory of the ET movie but she will tell you with relish how her mother scared her to death when she read repeatedly read her the story of Little Red Riding Hood.  I would knock on the fireplace wall behind the rocking chair we sat in together just as I got to the part where the wolf knocked on the grandmother's cottage door.  My terrified child would scream out when I did this even though she chose to have me read her Little Red Riding Hood night after night.  The scream eventually turned into both of us laughing and I remember after reading the book um-teen times, Alexis began knocking on the wall before I did.  She of course only remembers her mother terrifying her.

Some might argue after hearing these tales of what I read to first graders, how I took a child of three to see ET and those sound effects I added to Little Red Riding Hood is proof I did not acquire the sort of emotional growth Bettelheim hoped I would have.  Maybe the fact that my parents and grandparents let me watch The Wizard of Oz and listen to Tales From Grimm at such a tender age backfired.    

On Friday afternoon, the semi-retired person I now profess to be, found herself on the way to the movies.  I had high hopes that the new Oz would not disappoint at the ticket price of $11, but decided it best to go alone if it did.  When I got to the theatre at noon on Friday to see The Great and Powerful Oz  I looked forward being the only person in the theatre.  Instead I found myself in a long line of young teenagers also buying tickets for my movie.  I asked the young woman selling tickets why these kids were not in school and she said she had no idea.  The large group of kids filled the theatre's upper rows and I found myself a nice seat meant for the handicapped as far away from the group as I could before I put on my 3D glasses.  The  kids did talk their way through most of the movie but I found it rather fun to hear how much they were enjoying it, especially the scary parts.   The group was primarily black students and it ran through my mind that all the main characters were undoubtedly going to be white.  It turned out that wasn't entirely true, there were a few black, Asian and Latino munchkins in this version.  I guess an all white cast is nowadays scary to movie producers.  

If you have fond memories of The Wizard of Oz I think you will very much enjoy this prequel devoted to the telling of what happened before Dorothy arrived in Oz.  There are some very clever and humorous touches relating to the original film.  The cast is excellent and the special effects are not overblown but truly add more magic to this magical tale.  The movie is fun and scary, but not too scary.  I didn't even have to cover my eyes!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

To Retire or not to retire....that is............

Slowing down is a scary thing especially for a person who has spent her entire life devoted to multi-tasking.  I came by this propensity honestly. I vividly remember as a child my mother whizzing by like the energizer bunny with a pile of dirty laundry under one arm while pushing a vacuum cleaner with the other.  She never seemed to sit down for more than five minutes at a time.  At dinner I recall her standing by the stove during dinner as the six of us sat in a small kitchen at a small table eating the meal she had quickly prepared after a full day cleaning other peoples houses.  The six at the dinner table each night included four children, an alcoholic husband, a live-in alcoholic grandmother so there wasn't much time for my mom to relax.  She worked full time and cared for others  when she got home for many years.   The children moved away, grandma died but my mom continued working until she died at 69.

My mom sent me out to work part-time when I was 15 and except for a four month maternity leave I have kept my working career going for nearly 50 years now.  When I retired from my job teaching in Minneapolis at age 55 I quickly learned I was not retirement material.  My mother's DNA was too hard to fight and I went back to work subbing in Saint Louis Park until Harry and I went to Mexico where I taught for two years.  I returned to subbing regularly since we returned from Mexico three years ago.

I find myself hitting the wall with regard to teaching.  The truth is I cannot imagine at my age of 62 working full time to age 66 as most people in this country must do.  I have had some minor health issues and have cut back to subbing a couple days a week finding those two days more than enough.  Lucky me, most people my age have to just keep going five days a week.  Not teaching so much feels so great right now.

So, I have been fashioning a new life of sorts and things are going pretty well.  A little blessing named Archer came in our door last week.  He is two years old and his parents and our friends, Krisit and Tony, need a little help as they had twin girls born prematurely at the end of January who are still in the NICU for another month. The girls are doing very well and they are hopeful to bring them home in April.   After Kristi and Tony left Archer with us last Saturday night he began unprompted to call us grandma and grandpa.  We decided not to correct him.  He came again Friday and will be coming for a few more weeks on a a regular basis.  We enjoy him so much!

Last week I was subbing in a second grade classroom in St. Louis Park and there was one of those words of wisdom calendars on the teachers' desk.  The calendar wisdom for the day was: "Retire when your sorrow at leaving the classroom is smaller than your joyful thirst for new adventures."  As a believer in fortune cookies I of course took this message very much to heart.