Thanksgiving in a Box

I think we all like to believe that things were better in the past. If only we could go backwards, life would be so much easier and better. The problem being, life doesn't allow us to go backwards. Instead, life drags us kicking and screaming into the future. This time of year I always think about the Thanksgiving in a box I bought from my local grocery store. That box helped me move into my future.

It had been a bad year, everyone has them. My daughter graduated and went off to college (a good thing) but was not coming home for Thanksgiving. My husband decided he wanted a divorce, again, and moved out. My mother died suddenly and my dad quickly found himself a new wife who moved them to Florida. Our foster son had a major meltdown, packed up and left. The IRS was after me because of my husband's business practices and I had to put my dog to sleep. And lastly, Thanksgiving was coming and I had no idea how to cook the bird. My husband always took care of that.

So I found myself in an empty house planning Thanksgiving. I decided to buy Thanksgiving in a box as sort of a comfort. No fuss, no muss, everything was cooked for you right down to the pumpkin pie. It all came neatly organized in a box, ready to re-heat and serve. I invited a few friends for dinner, friends who were also a bit short on tradition that year. Friends who also brought their own sadness to the table. The meal wasn't all that good, but it wasn't bad either. We had some good laughs and I felt like I had made a baby step in moving into a future I did not like at all. I mourned for the Thanksgivings of old.

Looking back now, I think it was good that I had made an effort, however tacky and tasteless, to celebrate Thanksgiving on my own in the very place where all my cherished memories and departed loved ones seemed to be hanging suspended in the air around me. The people I invited had heartaches too, I was not alone. I tried to focus on the thankful part of the Thanksgiving holiday, knowing full well that the time had come to pack up and put the old memories in a box. Loss comes bearing gifts if you don't let yourself become completely stuck in grief. That year I wanted nothing more than to be stuck. I could not imagine that life would soon be offering me more wonderful Thanksgivings memories.

The year immediately after my Thanksgiving in a box, I flew to New York and Alexis and I took a bus to New Jersey for Thanksgiving with her roommate Eliza's family. I remember coming out of the subway and unexpectedly seeing those giant balloons coming down 34th street. We had a wonderful time together.

The next year I had met Harry and we began a tradition of spending Thanksgiving with Harry's friends, Pat and Bill, who lived in St. Paul. I fell in love with these two men and when they moved to the beautiful city of Sarasota, we began going to Florida every year for the holiday. I even began a new tradition of watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, which I had never done, because for years I was too busy cooking. I learned I did not miss all the preparation and hard work required when you host Thanksgiving every year.

We interrupted our Florida tradition when we lived in Mexico for two years. Our Texas friends, Holly and Kara, with whom I taught with in Cabo, created a Thanksgiving feast with Texas charm for a group of our Mexican friends (drank a lot of tequila that night!!!). The second year Harry and I found a little restaurant on the beach and the two of us ate a mediocre turkey dinner while watching the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen in my life. We celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving, in October, with our Canadian friends in Cabo for three years running, this year included.

Thanksgiving 2010 found us with a group of Pat and Bill's close friends here in Sarasota. Chris, a chef and television personality, served up lamb and goose along with the turkey. There was no pumpkin pie which led Harry to toast that it was his favorite Thanksgiving ever! Traditions change, people we love die or move on. This year I was the only woman in our group of twelve and I couldn't have loved it more.

It's probably best that life doesn't allow you to go backwards. You can always open up your box stuffed full of memories anytime you want remembering not to get stuck for too long going through the box. Just re-heat, serve and move on to the different pies life has in store for you. When I get home, I am going to make myself a nice pumpkin pie.