I am not to blame...

I now have my own little apple orchard: I-phone, I-Pod Shuffle, and MacBook Air, and I have my stepson, Ivan, to credit or blame for my impulsive buying spree. When we were in St. Louis in June, Ivan was busy showing off his new MacBook Air. I have had my share of little lap-tops over the years, all of which were cheap and had no staying power. Preferring a small portable computer, I had waited for years for Apple to come out with an 11" laptop. A year ago my friend Brian found me a great and inexpensive little IBM, small but heavy. The price was right, but in my heart I still wanted an Apple. The MacBook Air came out a few months after I had bought my IBM, to my great chagrin.

The very week we were in St. Louis, Amazon.com sent me an offer on a MacBook Air at an excellent price with the option of no-interest, 12-month financing. I, of course, considered it a sign from God. Little Gala, as I affectionately call her, arrived the day after we returned from St. Louis, weighing in at 2.38 pounds. It was love at first byte, I mean sight, and the apple romance continues. I gave my IBM to my future son-in-law when he was here in July. Curtis was thrilled, I was thrilled, all was well until ....

Ivan came to a convention here in Minneapolis in early August, and I asked him to help me set up an I-Pod which Harry had given me years back, which I had never used, and which would not charge. Ivan took one look at the old pod and asked me if I was aware that Apple had recently come out with something much smaller than the I-Pod, called the Shuffle. He showed me a picture of the Shuffle on the Apple website and within a few minutes I found myself driving to the Apple Store in Uptown and, of course, buying a Shuffle. It was $49 and came in a choice of adorable colors. I chose the light blue after several minutes of deliberation. That darn Ivan!!!

The story only gets worse. My Apple addiction was beginning to spiral out of control. My sister Julie had been working on me for months to buy an I-Phone. I told her I had my Air Book and Shuffle and that was all the apples I needed. I secretly confessed to her I did not think I could master the complexity of a smart phone, and she said that was nonsense. While we were in Chicago, my tech-savvy sister kept showing me the cool things the phone could do, and I felt my confidence growing; as were the rationalizations as to why I needed an I-phone. I told myself I could have access to Facebook while subbing, as the students were working on their class assignments, and I could text my daughter, cutting down on our burdensome daily phone conversations. The power of stupid rationalizations was taking hold, as it does for addicts. I needed a lighter computer to write my blog on; the shuffle would help me exercise more ... you get the idea.

Harry and I happened to pop into Target for something or other last week, and I said I wanted to just check the prices on smart phones. Ivan had said sometimes Radio Shack sold I-phones cheaper than Apple stores, and I knew Target now sold Kindles, so I wondered if they too sold I-phones. I walked (dashed) into the electronics section of the store and lo and behold, Target was selling I-Phones for $149 and the sale price was good for one more day. With our Target Card discount and Harry's retiree discount, I would save another 15% if I bought the phone that very day. What choice did I really have? Ivan and Julie would be so proud of me!!! The store clerk even welcomed me to the 21st century as I signed the ATT contract.

[Another of those pesky editor's notes: your author fails to mention that she more than blew the savings on paying off her contract with T-Mobile, and was only saved from even more egregious spending on a discontinued earlier model for her husband, which would only add another $20 to her monthly bill, by the obdurate Luddite nature of that same husband, who hates cell phones, and who would not have consented to accept one anyway after she had kept him hanging around Target for an hour and a half, even though his T-Mobile contract had died of natural causes that very day.]

So yes, I bought the phone, and I do love it, and its sophistication is well beyond what I will ever be capable of using. The day after I bought the phone, I took a class at the Uptown Apple store to learn some basics: ie, how to turn it off and on. Only two people, myself and another woman my age (who also has a Luddite husband), showed up for the class. The instructor, a young woman in her early twenties, gave us a great one-hour personal tutorial. Thanks to Julie, I actually knew a little more than my classmate, but I tried not to show off too much. Yesterday I also took an I-Tunes class at the Apple store. Ivan had tried to help me, but I was too clueless to ask him intelligent questions. Ivan has a PHD from Scripps in something high-tech, and I can find him intimidating. I picked up some basics at the class and am feeling a bit less clueless.

OK, I know what some of you are thinking. Next, it will be the I-Pad, but who will be to blame when I buy one? I can't blame Ivan this time. He doesn't have an I-Pad. I have just the person in mind to blame, however: my friend Bill. Bill was first in line when the I-Pads first came on the market a few years back. He loves, loves, loves his I-Pad. Apples are so easy to love. I remember one night when he and Pat were in town visiting from Florida and the guys were playing poker in our dining room, and Bill said I should try watching a movie on the I-Pad. I watched Avatar, undoubtedly a movie made for the big screen, but I actually enjoyed it very much on the small screen. I can read the picture-free New Yorker just fine on my Kindle, but on the I-Pad you can now download my other favorite intellectual magazine, People -- in color, no less. Just more rationalizations of an Apple addict (or is that Apple "edict?").

We will be taking our annual pilgrimage to Florida for Thanksgiving again this year, and I hope Bill does not do that showing-off stuff with his new I-Pad 2. I have obviously demonstrated that I have no self-control when it comes to apples, so Bill better just back off! Maybe an Apple twelve-step program is what I really need. I just pray Steve Jobs doesn't come out anytime soon with any more amazing devices I just can't live without.

*I learned some sad news this week after writing this blog. Steve Jobs is stepping down as CEO of Apple for health reasons. He survived a rare form of pancreatic cancer a few years back and subsequently a liver transplant. I came across the commencement address he gave to the Stanford class of 2005 after beating cancer. He recounts his humble beginnings briefly and gives his philosophy on life and death. I found it very moving. I'm attaching it here to show off some of my newly aquired technical sophistication, so you have to watch it.