I am working to break the chronic pain cycle in my neck that has been going on for several months. (Some people would argue I have been a pain in the neck for years!) I changed chiropractors this week after deciding the one I chose by Googling Chiropractors 55416 was not working out. It was a bit like going to the circus, a circus I was supposed to attend and buy a ticket for four times a week, according to the doctor. April was the beginning of this clinic's "spring into health" week. On my second appointment, I was quizzed about nutrition by a 300-pound staff person while doing my warm-up exercises. For each question answered correctly you earned a ticket. The tickets were put into a bowl for the weekly prize drawing. The most tickets, however, were given to people who brought in new clients. After three treatments, and few tickets earned, I took a copy of my x-rays and headed out the door.
I decided to hold chiropractic auditions at two clinics in my neighborhood: given the price of gas lately I thought it a reasonable way to make a choice. I wound up conducting only one audition, since the first doctor got the part. He came across as knowledgeable and interested in helping me, rather than in making money off me. He said one or two treatments a week would help for now. He looked shocked when I told him my circus story, and admitted that some of his colleagues in the field are not high on the integrity scale. I replied that that is probably true in all professions: some people have no business being teachers and such types can do a lot of damage, especially to children who desperately need good teachers. I am hoping I found a good chiropractor with some integrity who can give me a little relief. So far, his insistence that I use lots of ice packs and stop some of the exercises I have been doing has helped relieve some pain.
My heath crisis has been good in the sense that I have learned to put more trust in my intuitive powers to detect and reject smarmy individuals, as well as in my acceptance that there is probably no quick fix for this pain. Not that I haven't tried to find one. My family practice doctor says I still have pretty good mobility in my neck but he has encouraged me to pursue different avenues of treatment. Perhaps the spine specialist I see in early May will have some clear answers, but until then I will plod along with an ice on my neck and I may try some yoga.
The two physical therapists I have seen over the last several months I now know had me doing exercises that actually increased my problems. Even the beloved Dr. Oz gave some advice on his television show recently that seemed sensible for me to try but made things worse. I have tried so many things. Now I look back and see the path I have taken through this maze of pain had me going in circles. If only I had known I was in a maze!!! I feel like Alice, "Which way do I go?" "Where do you want to be?" "I don't know," "Well then, it doesn't matter which way you go."
My mother used to say when I faced hard times in my life: "Jeanne, always remember, things could be worse." I have been saying that a lot lately. Mom could not abide complainers. She believed life was hard (as do most dour Scots), and one needed to accept the fact and get on with things. The therapists I saw over the years for different mental ailments used to stress that one should not minimize life's pains but acknowledge them, feel them, grieve them in order to heal. I think both my mother and the therapists made their cases well. I also believe some of life's pain never heals. You learn to cope maybe, yes, but you may never heal.
Today I opened an email from a friend I made briefly in Cabo, and once again I could hear my Mother's words. Cathy and and her husband, Scott, lived above us the second year we lived in San Jose. We learned of their plans to sail across the Pacific in their small sailboat. They had been working on the boat and the plans for the trip for a long time and were both excited to begin their adventure. We spent fun times over dinners together, and Cathy made Harry nutritious milkshakes after his accident. I sent them a couple emails over the past year, but never heard back. I assumed they were still at sea. I learned today that they set out a year ago as planned, and after a few days at sea the winds they had expected never came, their fuel was low, so they had to head back to the west coast. Cathy took ill shortly after their return and she learned she had a rare form of liver cancer. She has lost over 40 pounds and has been in horrific pain. The prognosis is not good.
Sometimes the winds stop blowing us forward in life and we have to resort to other means, turn around, and go backwards for a time. Sometimes a course of actions turns out to be the wrong course. Sometimes the good news we hope for does not come, and sometimes the bad news keeps coming. And other times, we just have to accept things and be grateful for the good things we have experienced in the past and move forward into a future which may not be so good.
I was not surprised by the tone of Cathy's email. She is one of those people who are genuine and true and good. She spent much of her email expressing thanks to her family for their love and support. She is concerned about her husband and his not being able to sail the past year, and she asked about Harry's recovery. Somehow today, a pain in the neck became just a pain in the neck, and I became a lot more grateful.
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